One week ago I received news that a much beloved friend's husband had received a devastating diagnosis of recurrent and possibly aggressive cancer. I didn't (and still don't) have all the details, but that didn't really matter; the news alone was enough to bring tears and overwhelm my heart with sadness. Even today I still am having trouble keeping the tears back, the situation just hits too close to home to be devoid of emotion. My thoughts this week continue to return to a time that I was experiencing a similar situation.
It was the spring of 2008 and I was sitting in the ferry line at Anacortes, dreading the family gathering that was about to happen. After months of declining health and numerous inconclusive tests my father had been tentatively diagnosed with lung cancer. We were gathering as a family before he went in for a bronchoscopy of his lung to get a definitive diagnosis. As I waited, songs of worship played in my car - "Blessed be Your Name," "He Leadeth Me," "His Eye is on the Sparrow," and "It Is Well With My Soul" - each song seemed to speak to the uncertainty and anguish I was feeling, while directing me back to God and His goodness.
But it was the final verse of "In Christ Alone" by Stuart Townend that gave me the assurance I was seeking, the hope that God was working in the midst of this terrible situation.No guilt in life, no fear in death,
this is the power of Christ in me.
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
can ever pluck me from his hand.
'Til He returns, or calls me home,
here in the power of Christ I stand.
I can still feel the impact the words of that song had on my outlook about my father's future. I knew without a doubt that my daddy was in the hands of his/my Father. God knew the number of days he'd set aside for my dad, and I could trust he was safe in the mighty arms of God.
It was a good thing that God spoke to me so clearly during the ferry wait, because things didn't resolve quickly and neatly. It was another four or five months before they definitively diagnosed lung cancer and removed his left lung. Then 18 months later he died of pneumonitis after radiation for a recurrence of cancer in his other lung.
During that time, we all learned what it meant to rely on Christ alone and to have no fear of death. My father's last days, before he could no longer speak, were filled with praise for God and concern for those around him – friends, family, nurses, doctors, technicians- who might not know Christ as their Savior. He wanted everyone to experience the confidence he had in his Savior, the surety that death was nothing to be feared.
How do people do this thing called life without something bigger than themselves in which to believe? To whom do they cry out for help and hope? I am so grateful that I - and my family, and my friends mentioned above - have someone on whom we can depend.
Today, I join with the Psalmist in Psalm 62:5-8 by declaring :
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah
What more can I say - Selah, indeed!
